Ashlyn

[undread]

Comments

[undread]

[this is pretty relatable stuff. it hurts to hear, though.]

I suppose I feel as though I may have already foreclosed the possibility of that change. So perhaps I've only been trying to convince myself that it's for the best.

[she does love her friends, too. she wants them. she doesn't want them to be angry and afraid of what's happening to her.]

[killies]

[ *does want to give it consideration. jesus. ]

... Then just change again. And see if you still think that and decide then.

[ no, ]

[undread]

[she nods.]

I'm trying. I'm trying to change. I don't want them to feel like they need to keep protecting me.

[killies]

Why not? Teams protect each other. [ is it teams or is it friends. ]

[undread]

...Yes. But I want to be able to protect them, instead.

[killies]

[ ... ]

It has to go both ways.

[undread]

I know. But they have gone to great lengths for me. And we've lost people, recently. Everyone is trying to get stronger so we can survive.

[killies]

It goes both ways, but that doesn't mean it has to be even, does it? Everyone just does what they can as best as they can.

[undread]

[well. at about this point she does understand ashlyn is talking about her own feelings. she wants to explain that yes, and this is her doing the best she can, but...]

I suppose that's how it is for you, as well. It's difficult to accept not being able to do it yourself.

[killies]

[ no! no!!! we're not talking about me!!!! ]

Sure. No one likes hitting the wall of their limitations.

[undread]

But I think someone like you, Ashlyn... you must be very valuable to your team, I think.

[because she's so brave and surprisingly thoughtful.]

[killies]

[ we are not!!!!! talking about me!!!!!!!! but she does just look very. conflicted about that. ]

Maybe? That's not the point, though.