[wow here's a wonderful and engaging starter about exploring the new locations. it's very interesting and gives you a sense of the world we're playing in. anyway, memory]
[ this is such an intricate starter before the memory wowie thank you so much
the thing is, he has enough context that a lot of this doesn't surprise him. or--is it the context? is it that it feels just a little--familiar? he doesn't want to linger on that. he doesn't. so instead he focuses on what's in front of him: ]
Are you okay? [ emotionally. physically? past that moment? in general? he's not sure which he means. ]
[the way she reacts emotionally is similar to the way she feels in the memory. she's good at avoidance but isn't good at regulating her feelings, covering them up or pretending. that burning anger, that fury, at the ghosts, her fellow victims, giving way to this completely hollow resignation. still angry, but after so many years, she can't summon the same sort of passionate fury for delilah as she can for these ghosts who did nothing to her personally except recognize delilah inside her.]
...That's her. [the delilah they spoke of.] I was without her for a little while, a brief period where it seemed like she was gone, and then she came back more powerful than ever.
[she nods, her expression turning into something guilty.]
It was my fault. They succeeded. They fought her and managed to defeat her, but... she wasn't ever completely gone, just dormant. And I brought her back.
No. It was a moment a few weeks before this. [she frowns, thinking of it.] We were betrayed, and I was quite angry, and I felt I needed to kill the one responsible. And I drew on a well of power inside me that... the moment I did that, I felt her. I had been afraid I had woken her somehow.
this memory makes her so angry. summons some of the anger to her that her own memories of delilah can't seem to ignite in her. he does remind her so very much of delilah. the way he's just a voice in the back of his head, preying on his insecurities, so calm that it makes you feel pathetic to try and argue.
why wont these sassy girlbosses leave us the hell alone...]
[ the thing with seeing sephiroth again is that every time, cloud is angry. and every time, he is terrified, too. so he honestly gets her inability to feel that anger when she sees delilah, to conjure that strength back up. he's faltered on that front himself plenty. right now, it's a memory, and all he is ... tired. ]
There's something wrong with me. He knows it. Knows how to use it. It's... what you have with Delilah, I think it might be similar. Sometimes... I see him, when no one else can. And sometimes they do. I can't tell the difference.
[ he stares down at his hand blankly for a moment before he sharply hisses, putting that hand to his head and panting like he's in real pain. he's shaking his head afterwards, looking a little sick ]
...Maybe. [ his voice sounds rough saying it, like he has an idea but also has no clue whatsoever ] I don't know how he could've, but there's... There's a lot I don't remember.
[she doesn't have amnesia, but she deliberately tries not to think about those things. it seems like it's hurting him. she doesn't want to do that.]
...I don't think you're anything like him. Or anything like what he said. [he may not be very expressive, but he cares about people. he's kind.] If there's something causing this, I don't think it's something wrong with you. I think it must be something he did to you.
It's not. [ he sounds a little wretched by it. ] The stuff I forgot... Some of it was important to me.
[ but her conviction about the rest of it does kind of help, even if he's not so sure. ]
... I don't know if it's that simple. Part of it... It affects everyone who used to be SOLDIER, like I was. They call it degradation. But... he's got a hold on those guys, too. I've seen it. [ staring at his hands again, and he shakes his head abruptly ] I don't want Delilah to have a hold on you anymore than I want him anywhere near me.
She has a hold because she wanted me to be a tool for her. A puppet. An undead thrall.
[so she does understand what he means. but the comment makes her a little sad; in some ways, she's given up on freeing herself. she looks at him.]
She always sounds so confident, like everything she does is on purpose, but she lies. She didn't intend for me to have the ability to resist her. You might be more than he intended you to be, too.
[ hm she says puppet and he is frowning because. well. same. as seen on tv (memories). he doesn't like sharing this hat with anyone, really. ]
... I have to be. Our whole goal is to take him down. [ that has him a little more confident than anything else in this convo, although; ] She meant to have full control over you. Is that it?
[ he said that normally. completely. not at all like he was hypnotized into it or something. don't worry about it. but he blinks like nothing happened and; ]
I don't know for sure. He's said... a lot of things. But he's going to wipe all life on the planet for it, with only himself remaining. And... I think he wants me there, too.
[ this one is a little perturbed because he does not know. why. ]
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week 2; monday
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the thing is, he has enough context that a lot of this doesn't surprise him. or--is it the context? is it that it feels just a little--familiar? he doesn't want to linger on that. he doesn't. so instead he focuses on what's in front of him: ]
Are you okay? [ emotionally. physically? past that moment? in general? he's not sure which he means. ]
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...That's her. [the delilah they spoke of.] I was without her for a little while, a brief period where it seemed like she was gone, and then she came back more powerful than ever.
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It was my fault. They succeeded. They fought her and managed to defeat her, but... she wasn't ever completely gone, just dormant. And I brought her back.
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This was just. Confirmation of those fears.
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[ anyway before i forget, samesies ]
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this memory makes her so angry. summons some of the anger to her that her own memories of delilah can't seem to ignite in her. he does remind her so very much of delilah. the way he's just a voice in the back of his head, preying on his insecurities, so calm that it makes you feel pathetic to try and argue.
why wont these sassy girlbosses leave us the hell alone...]
He's a liar.
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[ the thing with seeing sephiroth again is that every time, cloud is angry. and every time, he is terrified, too. so he honestly gets her inability to feel that anger when she sees delilah, to conjure that strength back up. he's faltered on that front himself plenty. right now, it's a memory, and all he is ... tired. ]
There's something wrong with me. He knows it. Knows how to use it. It's... what you have with Delilah, I think it might be similar. Sometimes... I see him, when no one else can. And sometimes they do. I can't tell the difference.
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It might be similar. He might have left something in you like she left in me.
[maybe that is a traumatizing thing to say but it is simply what is true to her so why not.]
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[ he stares down at his hand blankly for a moment before he sharply hisses, putting that hand to his head and panting like he's in real pain. he's shaking his head afterwards, looking a little sick ]
...Maybe. [ his voice sounds rough saying it, like he has an idea but also has no clue whatsoever ] I don't know how he could've, but there's... There's a lot I don't remember.
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[she doesn't have amnesia, but she deliberately tries not to think about those things. it seems like it's hurting him. she doesn't want to do that.]
...I don't think you're anything like him. Or anything like what he said. [he may not be very expressive, but he cares about people. he's kind.] If there's something causing this, I don't think it's something wrong with you. I think it must be something he did to you.
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[ but her conviction about the rest of it does kind of help, even if he's not so sure. ]
... I don't know if it's that simple. Part of it... It affects everyone who used to be SOLDIER, like I was. They call it degradation. But... he's got a hold on those guys, too. I've seen it. [ staring at his hands again, and he shakes his head abruptly ] I don't want Delilah to have a hold on you anymore than I want him anywhere near me.
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[so she does understand what he means. but the comment makes her a little sad; in some ways, she's given up on freeing herself. she looks at him.]
She always sounds so confident, like everything she does is on purpose, but she lies. She didn't intend for me to have the ability to resist her. You might be more than he intended you to be, too.
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... I have to be. Our whole goal is to take him down. [ that has him a little more confident than anything else in this convo, although; ] She meant to have full control over you. Is that it?
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[they aren't supposed to be sentient. they're just supposed to be mindless zombies.]
...It's as she said, though. Our goals aren't really at cross purposes. At least, not for now.
[so she just feels she needs to accept the presence of this woman.]
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[ he doesn't say create. he doesn't... think that is fair. laudna seems to have created herself well enough. ]
What happens when your goals are at cross purposes? What are you gonna do?
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I'll have to find a way to stop her, then. Or my friends will.
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[ because they were very intense about telling her to shut up about bullshit and so, clearly, ]
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[she just isn't sure she will survive what they have to do to stop her.]
And you and your friends won't let him win, either.
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[ he said that normally. completely. not at all like he was hypnotized into it or something. don't worry about it. but he blinks like nothing happened and; ]
I don't know for sure. He's said... a lot of things. But he's going to wipe all life on the planet for it, with only himself remaining. And... I think he wants me there, too.
[ this one is a little perturbed because he does not know. why. ]
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