it resonates in ways that leave him feeling unsettled at the familiarity of it. of recalling something only for it to seem wrong. of feeling something awful that still seems like your own, only realizing it after.
his head hurts, a little, one hand resting at his temple when he comes back to himself.]
Lau.... Laudna...?
[that was-- a trip. but since it was the last thing, those last words still stick in his head, and his brow furrows a little.]
[the memory leaves her feeling a little drained, a little sad, but it's mostly that time has passed. this has been her existence for a while now, but things have only gotten worse.]
I don't know. I think, after thirty years together, she understands me better than anyone else ever will.
[there's something exhausted in her when she says this. that horrible woman, the woman who murdered her... but she's been in her head for so long that she no longer fully knows what parts of her are her and what parts are delilah.]
I don't like to think about everything that happened to me back then. [the weak girl she was, so easily used and thrown away.] Or what's happened to me since, how I've changed. It hurts, to think of everything she took from me.
I'm not sure, exactly. I don't know if she's sure, either. [though delilah is so, so much smarter than she is. maybe she knows.] I had my own sort of innate magic, and I don't think she knew that when she raised me from the dead. I think I took a piece of her with me, perhaps.
And then she died, and that piece was all she had left.
He... had someone who he wanted to return from death. But he couldn't revive her with her memories... he needed to recreate them.
[he needed to succeed at creating artificial memories, to give them to her.]
Normally, a-- a created body can't hold memories with strong emotions like that... hate, or despair, or- love. He was testing if... those could be transferred with the memory. If I would still have those emotions. If I could love, so that she could return with her love for him.
[why'd you make the test case your little brother you weirdo...]
Ah. For love. [that's not uncommon. much of delilah's necromancy was also for the sake of her beloved.] A bit silly, isn't it? Just because someone can love doesn't mean they'll love you.
Um- we may be able to keep it from happening here, at least, but... my body was rejecting those memories. I'm not very stable, if he isn't maintaining me...
Not...directly in danger at the very moment I left, but our lives are dangerous. I don't think any of us know if we'll make it. And I want to make sure she does.
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it resonates in ways that leave him feeling unsettled at the familiarity of it. of recalling something only for it to seem wrong. of feeling something awful that still seems like your own, only realizing it after.
his head hurts, a little, one hand resting at his temple when he comes back to himself.]
Lau.... Laudna...?
[that was-- a trip. but since it was the last thing, those last words still stick in his head, and his brow furrows a little.]
...she couldn't have really...
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She couldn't have...?
[she's not sure she understands the question.]
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[would anyone, if they didn't go through it?]
Is... is this the sort of thing that you meant, when you mentioned not thinking about... things that hurt?
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[there's something exhausted in her when she says this. that horrible woman, the woman who murdered her... but she's been in her head for so long that she no longer fully knows what parts of her are her and what parts are delilah.]
I don't like to think about everything that happened to me back then. [the weak girl she was, so easily used and thrown away.] Or what's happened to me since, how I've changed. It hurts, to think of everything she took from me.
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[that part is the one he keeps wondering about, in all this. if she killed her like that, then why?]
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I'm not sure, exactly. I don't know if she's sure, either. [though delilah is so, so much smarter than she is. maybe she knows.] I had my own sort of innate magic, and I don't think she knew that when she raised me from the dead. I think I took a piece of her with me, perhaps.
And then she died, and that piece was all she had left.
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[it can't be easy. it never is, when anything in your head... isn't intrinsically yours.
he is familiar, to a degree, with that.]
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wowee. this "brother" is such a bitch. she feels instant hatred, even if mathis' feelings are more like confusion or fear.]
He made you?
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...yes. He did.
[all of him is just-- patchwork, sourced from others' memories.]
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[why give him such painful and brutal memories? why mock him when he learns?]
I hate people like that.
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[he needed to succeed at creating artificial memories, to give them to her.]
Normally, a-- a created body can't hold memories with strong emotions like that... hate, or despair, or- love. He was testing if... those could be transferred with the memory. If I would still have those emotions. If I could love, so that she could return with her love for him.
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Ah. For love. [that's not uncommon. much of delilah's necromancy was also for the sake of her beloved.] A bit silly, isn't it? Just because someone can love doesn't mean they'll love you.
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[he's a huge weirdo, yeah.]
He couldn't take the idea of... bringing her back, but without love.
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And what becomes of you, now that his experiment is finished?
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[he admits, after a second.]
Um- we may be able to keep it from happening here, at least, but... my body was rejecting those memories. I'm not very stable, if he isn't maintaining me...
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Is it... similar for you?
[does her person need saving?]
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Not...directly in danger at the very moment I left, but our lives are dangerous. I don't think any of us know if we'll make it. And I want to make sure she does.