asa

[undread]

Comments

week 2; monday

[undread]

[trips into a memory void. have your memory.]

[halved]

[... oh.

asa is quiet for a moment, and then, hesitantly:]

That's who you were trying to talk to before? Delilah...?

[also lmk if you want a specific mem in return, or specific cws to avoid and i'll government assign.]

[undread]

[no cws, please feel free to government assign. she nods. the memory is a little strange to experience; this was a little while ago, and things have changed.]

...Yes. I wanted her help.

[halved]

[she doesn't know things Have Changed, so she immediately frowns. hm. concerning?]

No offense, but she sounds like she'd be happier joining the cultists before ever helping us.

[undread]

I know. But she can't just ignore me, either. She needs me, too.

[halved]

... Because if you die, she dies too. [man.] She's not here, is she?

[undread]

...Last week, those four encountered her.

[so who even knows what the fuck is going on with that.]

But she's been silent for me.

[halved]

Huh...?

[they know not how player cyoas work]

Wait. You mean she was the necromancer?

[undread]

The one who attacked Geto and the others, yes.

[wtf is a player cyoa.]

Though I hardly know how.

[halved]

Maybe it's something similar to the zombies that showed up for Cliffgate and Boothill. But then... why did she appear for them and not you?

[wtf is a player cyoa!!

anyway, speaking of dead girls and necromancy? have mem.]

[undread]

[oh war devil is pretty cool.

no okay laudna's reactions to things aren't normal and she spends this entire memory up until the president dies just thinking to herself "wow, what a bitch." even in the parts she transforms into a monster. such a bitch! but she can certainly relate to the experience of giving yourself over to some other entity, the feeling of... wanting and liking the power it gives you, the way it solves your problems, even as the experience is also horrific.]

You do know what it's like to lose yourself. What did you think about what that devil did? [because part of it must have felt so satisfying, she thinks.]

[halved]

[maybe getting revenge on the person who killed you would be satisfying... if it were anyone other than asa, honestly. she touches her cheek where her face was carved open, looking away.]

What do I think? It felt like a nightmare.

[sometimes you are 17 and dying and accidentally forge a contract with a devil.]

[undread]

[i see. that's no fun. but she does understand that, too.]

I know what it's like to lose yourself.

[halved]

... She's taken over your body, too?

[undread]

...Sometimes it's hard to tell what's me and what's her.

[so that answer isn't exactly clear.]

[halved]

Ah...

[a quick look of understanding, here and gone a second.]

Like your emotions and personalities are melding with each other.

[undread]

...Yes. I was only a young girl when I lost my life, much like you.

[she says this sympathetically; it's horrible.]

I suppose I hadn't developed enough of a sense of identity, so now I don't know what's her and what's just... the very different life I've led.

[halved]

[she frowns, like, hm. the idea of growing up with a thing inside of you for long enough that you straight up just don't know anymore is Very Bad, actually.]

You're in your fifties now, right? It's probably normal to feel like a different person than you were a couple of years ago. But if she's been inside you since then...

[undread]

Yes - I stopped aging when I died, but I've been around for over 50 years. And she was there with me for 30 of them.

[...]

Asa, are you going to use your wish to try and free yourself?

[halved]

[...

she shakes her head.]

I can't. I don't want to find my partner, so using my wish for anything is out of the question. And... even though I hate it, I need her power to save somebody who's in a lot of danger right now.

[undread]

[this is a mood.]

Is it because you don't want to tie yourself to someone else?

[halved]

[nods.]

I can't let somebody tie themselves to me. If I die or get possessed, then I'll only be dragging them down with me.

[undread]

Or they you?

[but it sounds like the former bothers her more. interesting.]

I think everyone looking for their partner is cognizant of that risk, you know. And perhaps that risk is worth it to them for what they can gain. If your reservation was for yourself, that would be different...

[halved]

I know. But even so... I just can't be responsible for their deaths. I can't keep dragging people down with me.

[undread]

[asa...]

I see. You must feel quite burdened by the things you've seen.