[she's quiet for a long moment after that - feeling the anger, the hatred she gave into, the instant sorrow and regret afterwards. when she does speak, it's soft.]
...If you'd prefer not to talk about it, I won't ask you anything.
[but she seems sort of hollowed out by the memory. she likes to pretend away her negative feelings, but she's better at avoidance than deceit. feeling all of those feelings again, experiencing it, has her left in the same emotional state she was at the end. frightened, numb, guilty.]
Poor Bor'dor. I did like him, but he really did need to die.
[ah. that question makes sense, but it's good she asked it; it distracts her, a little, from feeling overwhelmed by the memory.]
I think anyone would say it depends on the god, but it varies from person to person which ones are worth saying.
[...]
I liked Bor'dor. Part of what I liked about him was that we shared a certain disillusionment. The gods have never cared for either of us, or done anything for us, and many of my experiences with their believers have been quite bad. I don't really care if he wants to do away with the gods, to be frank.
But the group he's in has rather nasty methods. We've wound up opposing them not out of any particular vehement disagreement about their feelings on divinity so much as the fact that their leaders are bloodthirsty and mad and have tried to sew chaos across Exandria. I suspect many of the followers of the cult are people like Bor'dor, but they're being manipulated; Ludinus doesn't just want to kill the gods, he wants to replace them.
[but a little disconnected. she's not really such an empathetic person; she cares about the people she cares about, and the rest of the world, well. they can do what they like.]
I suppose many of them, just like he did, found a group that was like-minded in their anger towards the gods, found community, cared for one another, and hate us the way we hate Ludinus. But he didn't have to lie to us. He could have run away. He didn't have to hurt Prism.
[she can see both sides of this - she's someone who cares more about the people she's allied herself with than most ideals or notions of justice. if she happened to meet with someone she knew killed her friends, like this man, she wouldn't have had any qualms with trying to do what he had. if she'd been on the receiving end and he threatened the people she cared for, though, she wouldn't have hesitated from killing him.
it's not a surprise, then, that what it comes down to for her is that she knows laudna, and she doesn't know the person in this memory.]
You did what you had to do. Was your friend alright...?
[so it was okay in the end, for everyone except Bor'dor. But she nods.]
He would have given information about us that could be used against us - it was too dangerous to let him go. I only have some regrets about the way it happened.
I don't want people to think of me that way. Since then, we've run into more trouble. A power vacuum like that leads to chaos, and now there are three separate armies outside our gates, and... People look at me like I need to work a miracle again, like I'm going to be able to stop them all myself just because I broke a bracelet or two years ago.
[that makes sense and makes her a bit thoughtful. she has complicated relationships with heroes herself.]
...That's wise. They never do fix all of the problems that crop up in their wake. But people will look at you like that whether or not you want them to.
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week 2; monday
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...If you'd prefer not to talk about it, I won't ask you anything.
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[but she seems sort of hollowed out by the memory. she likes to pretend away her negative feelings, but she's better at avoidance than deceit. feeling all of those feelings again, experiencing it, has her left in the same emotional state she was at the end. frightened, numb, guilty.]
Poor Bor'dor. I did like him, but he really did need to die.
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Where you're from... it was - wrong, trying to kill a god?
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I think anyone would say it depends on the god, but it varies from person to person which ones are worth saying.
[...]
I liked Bor'dor. Part of what I liked about him was that we shared a certain disillusionment. The gods have never cared for either of us, or done anything for us, and many of my experiences with their believers have been quite bad. I don't really care if he wants to do away with the gods, to be frank.
But the group he's in has rather nasty methods. We've wound up opposing them not out of any particular vehement disagreement about their feelings on divinity so much as the fact that their leaders are bloodthirsty and mad and have tried to sew chaos across Exandria. I suspect many of the followers of the cult are people like Bor'dor, but they're being manipulated; Ludinus doesn't just want to kill the gods, he wants to replace them.
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So their leaders, at least, are after power rather than peace. [...] It's a shame about the people lower down who are being manipulated.
[but the dynamic isn't really surprising, to her.]
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[but a little disconnected. she's not really such an empathetic person; she cares about the people she cares about, and the rest of the world, well. they can do what they like.]
I suppose many of them, just like he did, found a group that was like-minded in their anger towards the gods, found community, cared for one another, and hate us the way we hate Ludinus. But he didn't have to lie to us. He could have run away. He didn't have to hurt Prism.
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it's not a surprise, then, that what it comes down to for her is that she knows laudna, and she doesn't know the person in this memory.]
You did what you had to do. Was your friend alright...?
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[so it was okay in the end, for everyone except Bor'dor. But she nods.]
He would have given information about us that could be used against us - it was too dangerous to let him go. I only have some regrets about the way it happened.
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[that she was healed, and that they stopped him. she's about to say something else, when another memory starts. thematic!]
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Quite a big heroic moment. I didn't realize.
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I'm not a hero.
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[not judging her, just curious.]
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[pauses, trying to gather her thoughts.]
I don't want people to think of me that way. Since then, we've run into more trouble. A power vacuum like that leads to chaos, and now there are three separate armies outside our gates, and... People look at me like I need to work a miracle again, like I'm going to be able to stop them all myself just because I broke a bracelet or two years ago.
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...That's wise. They never do fix all of the problems that crop up in their wake. But people will look at you like that whether or not you want them to.
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I know. I've tried to discourage it, but... Well - it doesn't matter. It's a world away right now.
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I know. I'll... handle it, somehow.
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[she'll trust vin on that.]
What is your role now? Are you some sort of leader?
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