They were even willing to spend Thursday with me, when Camille wasn't here, to help lock me up somewhere. Even though they hate staying with us on Thursdays and said the last time was "stupid"...
... But that was when we got transported all over the place, so it didn't work out.
... I'm sorry, too. I should have said something sooner...
Whenever I heard the ways people talked about Camille, I got scared. I imagined them saying the same things about me. I thought that if I told anyone, I'd be killed.
[she can't fault her for feeling that way; camille very much was killed, after all.]
I wouldn't have hurt you. But you don't have any reason to have known that. I don't really trust people easily, myself; I doubt I'd have told anyone if it were me.
When everyone was saying that Camille had no choice but to die, Famine was the only person who told me "if you want to live, then live." So I've been relying on them since then.
[ there are some complex feelings there... pained and fond and uncertain. ]
But... I believe you. I did think that if anyone would understand, you might. And that you'd never do anything cruel to me. I knew that.
I think everyone wants to assume the thing that benefits them most is also the kindest thing. I've heard so many people say, "if I were a monster, I'd want to die, so that's the right thing to do." But I wouldn't want to die. Being alive is sometimes all we have - it's the only way to change our fate.
I don't think there's anything selfish in deciding to protect your life. I'm glad you did.
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Famine has been helping me, too. I think I would have been very lost without them. But they're limited in what they can do.
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They're very egotistical and sometimes express themselves poorly, but they're very direct and honest, even with a child. I like that about them.
[ there's a bit of a warm feeling, despite everything. ]
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They were even willing to spend Thursday with me, when Camille wasn't here, to help lock me up somewhere. Even though they hate staying with us on Thursdays and said the last time was "stupid"...
... But that was when we got transported all over the place, so it didn't work out.
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[though she understands why she feels that way.]
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Whenever I heard the ways people talked about Camille, I got scared. I imagined them saying the same things about me. I thought that if I told anyone, I'd be killed.
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[she can't fault her for feeling that way; camille very much was killed, after all.]
I wouldn't have hurt you. But you don't have any reason to have known that. I don't really trust people easily, myself; I doubt I'd have told anyone if it were me.
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[ there are some complex feelings there... pained and fond and uncertain. ]
But... I believe you. I did think that if anyone would understand, you might. And that you'd never do anything cruel to me. I knew that.
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I don't think there's anything selfish in deciding to protect your life. I'm glad you did.