Ashlyn

[undread]

Comments

[undread]

Sometimes they are a little more difficult, but yes - most people are motivated entirely by fear and greed, each in varying degrees depending on the individual. Those who show courage, it's because there's something their greed causes them to desire more than the fear they feel. But for the majority of people, fear is their primary motivation.

[killies]

[ oh okay. internalizes this. ]

Huh. Do you think caring about people is still a kind of greed? [ genuinely. like, wanting them to be okay as selfishness, at its core. ]

[undread]

[don't internalize this...]

Yes. I think so. Not necessarily a bad kind, but it's all... how much you desire having people, how good it feels to be cared for and to care for someone. That sort of desire can be powerful enough to overcome fear.

[killies]

[ no she's going to. ]

That makes sense. Plus there's your fear of losing them, or your fear or being alone, if that's the kind of thing you're scared of...

[undread]

Precisely! Being alone is the thing I'm most frightened of, so it's easier for me to have courage when that's the risk!

[killies]

I like being alone.

[undread]

[...]

I understand what you mean. [given how hard crowds and loud noises can be for her.] But if you ever go years without talking to another person, you might come to feel differently about that.

[killies]

[ she wants to argue instinctively, but. yeah, that's fair. ]

... I guess I've never had to go very long without at least seeing my parents. [ and she's a teenager so they like. feed her and buy her things and all the other stuff a kid can take completely for granted. ]

[undread]

Are they nice? Your parents?

[killies]

They are.

I've never felt like I needed or even wanted friends... but I don't hate spending time with my parents.

[undread]

...I was a little bit like you when I was younger. I didn't get along very well with anyone else in town.

[killies]

[ maybe it would be polite to act surprised but. no that tracks. ]

Why not?

[undread]

I had unusual abilities and wasn't very similar to all of them.

[but listen she was a normal awkward girl how insane she is now took like 30 years of trauma to accomplish]

[killies]

I wouldn't call my hearing an... ability... But I get how that is. You end up hearing a lot of things you weren't supposed to. That's why I like being alone. Then I don't have to deal with that.

[undread]

Yes. People are not very understanding towards others when their existence is inconvenient.

[killies]

Mm. We talked about it a little before.

... What about your parents, though? [ children don't need friends their own age. it's fine. ]

[undread]

They were kind. I liked them. But I haven't thought about them in a very long time.

[killies]

Oh. That's... kind of sad.

[undread]

Is it?

[she gives an awkward smile.]

I don't really know what happened to them - if they died when I died, or if they continued on without me for some time. It was just better not to think about anything from my life before I died. "Laudna" wasn't even my name back then.

[killies]

But it seems like you remember the bad parts of growing up just fine. Wouldn't it be better to remember the good stuff too? Or instead?

[undread]

...Well, I started talking about some of it again recently.

[for a long time she didn't think about any of it.]

But I think remembering things that were good is worse sometimes, don't you?

[killies]

[ a. long pause, actually. ]

... No, not really.

[undread]

...Well, I'm glad, then. For your happy memories?

[killies]

That place we went last week. I got kind of... stuck in an illusion. Not quite memories, but... Like a good dream. I wish I hadn't. It made coming back to this afterwards harder.

But the real memories are good.

[undread]

Oh.

[mmm. she frowns.]

I see what you mean. That does sound awful.