hearing that name again is a punch in the gut. and already knowing that was laudna's world... he has a feeling he knows what this means. it has to, right? it's her memory.
they leave the house, see this series of now familiar scenes, and one after another, the wounds he hadn't thought were all that raw to begin with are opened back up. the town, the castle. that blood-soaked banquet hall where he'd found daan barely alive under the table. that couple meeting his eyes at the party, the way the man in particular looked at him like he was a piece of meat, the heavy air of anxiety, the nauseating blur of blood and screams and pain (which he doesn't think he can delude himself into attributing to a hot girl vampire anymore).
except none of it is through his eyes this time. it's her point of view, the girl with the braids who'd been so nervous, who'd been so much smarter and more observant than he had, who'd disappeared forever as soon as he'd turned his back. he'd thought of her more often than he really should have during all that time he'd spent cooped up alone in his house. he'd always hoped she'd managed to escape — he'd wanted so badly to believe that everyone who'd disappeared was safe somewhere and would come back someday.
wow. that sure didn't happen, did it?
he remembers the sight of the tree when they'd reunited. how it wasn't just the people they knew hanging from it, how there were strangers mixed in among them. had she been hanging there then too? had she already gotten herself down and run away?
maybe she hadn't been there. it wasn't an exact recreation, after all. he'd been there, atsushi had been there. their worlds had been muddled together.
still. fuck.
when it's over, he swallows hard, his mouth dry, and turns to laudna. ]
[it's a particularly brutal memory to reexperience. the emotions are so different from the way she feels things now. being that terrified and lost feels alien. she's frightened quite often but she tries not to be seen that way. it just leaves her here numb, drained, like when you've been so upset that you're too tired to feel upset anymore.]
he nods slowly, rubbing the bite scars on his neck. ]
...I met her. Last week. Those people — the Briarwoods — they were hosting a party that... ended up about the same as that one, and we were both guests there.
She was trying to wear us down until we were willing to bargain with her, I think, so... I guess maybe she thought it would be an effective way to do that. Or maybe she's just not that creative.
[ he remembers again how she'd seemed to be talking to herself that one time... which in retrospect probably isn't much different from the way he'd snapped out loud at the voice in his head. ]
Ugh... god, I'm sorry. I just heard her in mine a few times over the course of two months or something and that was almost enough to make me lose it.
You can't just tell her you don't want her around and expect her to listen, I guess.
[ phrased as a statement because it feels too insulting to ask as a question if she's seriously been dealing with this for decades. like asking a depressed person if they've tried having fun or something. ]
Not to be corny about it, but I think being able to get by without her now makes you pretty strong too. Just in a different way.
[ yes, he is kind of complimenting himself at the same time by saying this, thank you for noticing. that really isn't his intention when he's saying it, to be fair, but once the words are out he's just like. yeah! ]
[ and then i'm sorry for doing this in the middle of an otherwise very serious thread but i'm giving you one of my weirdest memories in return... cw for weird cartoon body horror and visible organs and veins...... ]
[they were just laughing and having a good old time teasing each other while they make fun of each others' organs and paint their bodies back on.]
Yes, that makes sense. You probably need a heart to live! Even I have one, though it doesn't beat really. Still, it seems quite fun to be able to see everyone's organs like that. So interesting! [compare with friends!]
I've never had any siblings, but I always imagined it would be fun. I think my friends and I are a lot like that - always bickering and getting into scrapes!
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hearing that name again is a punch in the gut. and already knowing that was laudna's world... he has a feeling he knows what this means. it has to, right? it's her memory.
they leave the house, see this series of now familiar scenes, and one after another, the wounds he hadn't thought were all that raw to begin with are opened back up. the town, the castle. that blood-soaked banquet hall where he'd found daan barely alive under the table. that couple meeting his eyes at the party, the way the man in particular looked at him like he was a piece of meat, the heavy air of anxiety, the nauseating blur of blood and screams and pain (which he doesn't think he can delude himself into attributing to a hot girl vampire anymore).
except none of it is through his eyes this time. it's her point of view, the girl with the braids who'd been so nervous, who'd been so much smarter and more observant than he had, who'd disappeared forever as soon as he'd turned his back. he'd thought of her more often than he really should have during all that time he'd spent cooped up alone in his house. he'd always hoped she'd managed to escape — he'd wanted so badly to believe that everyone who'd disappeared was safe somewhere and would come back someday.
wow. that sure didn't happen, did it?
he remembers the sight of the tree when they'd reunited. how it wasn't just the people they knew hanging from it, how there were strangers mixed in among them. had she been hanging there then too? had she already gotten herself down and run away?
maybe she hadn't been there. it wasn't an exact recreation, after all. he'd been there, atsushi had been there. their worlds had been muddled together.
still. fuck.
when it's over, he swallows hard, his mouth dry, and turns to laudna. ]
You're... Matilda. That was you?
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I was Matilda. Back then.
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he nods slowly, rubbing the bite scars on his neck. ]
...I met her. Last week. Those people — the Briarwoods — they were hosting a party that... ended up about the same as that one, and we were both guests there.
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I'm sorry. I don't understand why that happened. Why would she show you those things?
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[so it's probably not that.]
But the former sounds plausible. She's been in my head for 30 years now. She's good at getting what she wants.
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Like... literally, she's talking to you, or...?
[ he remembers again how she'd seemed to be talking to herself that one time... which in retrospect probably isn't much different from the way he'd snapped out loud at the voice in his head. ]
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Yes, this is quite a literal haunting.
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You can't just tell her you don't want her around and expect her to listen, I guess.
[ phrased as a statement because it feels too insulting to ask as a question if she's seriously been dealing with this for decades. like asking a depressed person if they've tried having fun or something. ]
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[but she understands the comment.]
For a long time, dismissing her at least made me feel better, but it's not always easy to ignore her.
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[ wow how does something that happened less than a week ago feel like ancient history already ]
Yeah, probably a hallucination. The food there definitely had some weird effects.
...But that's good, right? That she's not bothering you now. Literally one of like, three silver linings in this place.
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...Maybe. It made me angry at first. Without her help, I'm not as strong. But I'm glad not to have her in my head.
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[ yes, he is kind of complimenting himself at the same time by saying this, thank you for noticing. that really isn't his intention when he's saying it, to be fair, but once the words are out he's just like. yeah! ]
[ and then i'm sorry for doing this in the middle of an otherwise very serious thread but i'm giving you one of my weirdest memories in return... cw for weird cartoon body horror and visible organs and veins...... ]
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anyway, she chaotically watches this memory and just. laughs at it like it was cute and funny.]
You and your brothers? What fun you seem to have. Do you really not have a heart?
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Haha, well... I think it's probably kind of a situational thing...
[ whatever that means ]
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Yes, that makes sense. You probably need a heart to live! Even I have one, though it doesn't beat really. Still, it seems quite fun to be able to see everyone's organs like that. So interesting! [compare with friends!]
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Interesting is probably the most appropriate positive word for it!
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[except it's definitely a lot less hostile.]