kate

[undread]

Comments

[undread]

I don't know that it can be stopped.

[even now, she is always so blunt.]

But if you don't want to die, then you don't need to.

[sootprints]

... Do you think I can still live with other people like this?

[ it's a question that she genuinely doesn't know the answer to. ]

[undread]

I've personally resigned myself to the notion that any one of us can become afflicted at any time. So perhaps none of us can live with other people.

[she thinks of isolation, no one but dolls to talk to, for a moment.]

But we need one another, so we'll have to make do.

[sootprints]

... None of us? But...

[ her grip in this hug tightens for a moment. ]

I want to stay with you. I don't know if I can, but I really want to.

[undread]

I want you to stay, too.

[she doesn't want to lose kate, after everything else. she never did.]

Talk to me about what you've been thinking. You don't know if you can - why? [i mean, she gets what she's saying, but.] Because some of us won't let you? Or because you feel it may be necessary for yourself?

[sootprints]

... I keep hurting people. And I don't want to anymore.

What if next time, it's you? Or Yuffie?

[undread]

[petting her hair.]

I think... we can all try to prevent that from happening. But it may not change anything. Sometimes, people get hurt.

[...]

Being on the other side may not be the end, either way.

[sootprints]

I'm... less afraid now, because of the letters.

[ laudna pets her hair, and the hat, barely hanging at this point, falls to the floor. there's a little haze of smoke, and it takes a moment to thin out enough to see through it, but her hand may find them first.

a pair of horns on her head. shadowy, like the rest of her. ]

[undread]

[i see... well, she will let go to pick the hat back up off the floor and hand it to her.]

So am I. [...] I would say that in my opinion, the fact that there's a risk to having you around is more than outweighed by the benefits of having you here. My only fear is, if it's getting worse, if we run the risk of losing you entirely.

[she thinks it doesn't sound like kate wants to die, only that she feels like maybe she has to.]

I spoke with Camille, recently. If she could find a partner, she'd use her wish to help you, if she could. [they spoke only in general terms, laudna didn't know it was kate they were talking about, but that's what was discussed.] I don't know if there are limits, or what those are. The other option, of course, is that we end your life, and use the token we're awarded for that to ensure that no matter what, you'll return at the end of this.

[given the information from the graveyard, straight up u-turning may not be an option, though the graveyard also clearly wants them to slow down mercy kills, too.]

Or we simply manage the best we can for the several weeks we have left, understanding and accepting that there is a risk, but there is a risk for all of us, and it sounds like many of us are likely to die before the end comes and that may not be the worst thing.

Whatever outcome you believe is best, that's what we'll do. But no one will decide for you.

...They aren't so bad, by the way. The horns. I've known many very beautiful women with horns.

[sootprints]

[ she takes the hat, but she doesn't put it back on. she just holds it for now. ]

... I might reach a point where I can't decide. I don't know if... maybe I'm already there.

If I try to choose death, I think the monster will intervene.

And, when I tried to lock myself up on Thursday night so I wouldn't be a threat to anyone, the monster interfered with that, too.

[undread]

...Yes. Anything you can undo, I can see how that won't work.

[sootprints]

I did think of that... so I had Camille help so that I couldn't undo the binds myself.

But the monster doesn't just take control on Thursday nights. It can prepare countermeasures if it knows what's coming.

[undread]

I see.

[so that's what camille meant.]

And you're very clever and resourceful, and so is the monster.

[sootprints]

[ there's an odd mix of pride and shame at that. ]

... Lavi knows now, too. And Yuffie.

If I can't do anything by myself, then... Maybe something can change now.

[undread]

If all of us try, not just Camille, maybe we'll have a bit of better luck.

[sootprints]

Yes... I hope so.

Famine has been helping me, too. I think I would have been very lost without them. But they're limited in what they can do.

[undread]

What have they been doing to help?

[sootprints]

Giving me advice, usually. When Camille was gone, I had no one else to talk to.

They're very egotistical and sometimes express themselves poorly, but they're very direct and honest, even with a child. I like that about them.

[ there's a bit of a warm feeling, despite everything. ]

[undread]

...Yes, I can see that. They aren't the sort to sugarcoat things. They have quite the wicked sense of humor, too.

[sootprints]

They do.

They were even willing to spend Thursday with me, when Camille wasn't here, to help lock me up somewhere. Even though they hate staying with us on Thursdays and said the last time was "stupid"...

... But that was when we got transported all over the place, so it didn't work out.

[undread]

...I'm quite sorry you felt you didn't have anyone to help you.

[though she understands why she feels that way.]

[sootprints]

... I'm sorry, too. I should have said something sooner...

Whenever I heard the ways people talked about Camille, I got scared. I imagined them saying the same things about me. I thought that if I told anyone, I'd be killed.

[undread]

You might have been.

[she can't fault her for feeling that way; camille very much was killed, after all.]

I wouldn't have hurt you. But you don't have any reason to have known that. I don't really trust people easily, myself; I doubt I'd have told anyone if it were me.

[sootprints]

When everyone was saying that Camille had no choice but to die, Famine was the only person who told me "if you want to live, then live." So I've been relying on them since then.

[ there are some complex feelings there... pained and fond and uncertain. ]

But... I believe you. I did think that if anyone would understand, you might. And that you'd never do anything cruel to me. I knew that.

[undread]

I think everyone wants to assume the thing that benefits them most is also the kindest thing. I've heard so many people say, "if I were a monster, I'd want to die, so that's the right thing to do." But I wouldn't want to die. Being alive is sometimes all we have - it's the only way to change our fate.

I don't think there's anything selfish in deciding to protect your life. I'm glad you did.